Friday, September 27, 2013

Bite Back: According to Plan

Warning: the following is a giant, rambling post about things that are RELATED to food, but it contains no recipes, only worries and tiny stories, seasoned with existential crises. You have been told! 

<s>I baked pumpkin muffins today.</s> I tried to bake some low carb pumpkin muffins because, hell, 1. Why should Starbucks get all of the pumpkin spice action?
2. I like muffins and I wanted to eat them.
3. I like a challenge, trying new recipes and new ingredients!

To cut to the chase here, they didn't turn out so well.

Instead of being fluffy and spicy like I wanted, they stayed as these half hearted, fall flavoured hockey pucks. Still edible, but not exactly what I had in mind when I hit up my kitchen this afternoon. Sometimes, things just don't go according to plan.

Another perfect example of things going awry is the dilemma that I'm still wrestling with, even after an entire summer of agonizing over the decision: Should I leave university to go to baking school? I went so far as to apply to one baking school in Toronto, and to take a tour of another here in Montreal. When I made the choice to go back to university, "only for a semester, just to see" it seemed relatively obvious to me as soon as I got over dragging ass through the first two weeks that I couldn't just drop out in the middle. I'm stubborn in funny ways, and quitting is one of them. Of course, this was a decision I made in the quiet internal part of myself that smells like fresh baked cinnamon rolls, and I didn't really bother to spread the word far, figuring it wasn't that important.

Then, last week I was texting my kid sister and she asked me if I was still thinking about moving in to her apartment in T.O. in January. Basically, "are you going go through with this?" It threw me for a loop. I had been so busy, wading back into the quicksand of William Blake and dependent clauses, I had sort of written off my pastry school dreams as something either for the future, or something completely stupid that I impulsively threw my heart at one time. I had forgotten that I still had real options to choose from, somewhere out there, that open door. I tried to shake off the feeling that there was an entirely different world at my fingertips if I could only reach far enough; it would be mine for the cost of the world I'm currently living in.

I know that a lot of people can't even dream of university education, let alone have the option to drop out whenever they please because they just really, really, really dig the romance of the words, "chantilly cream." I planned, sort of, in my head, to buckle down. Suck it up, finish my degree, and then decide from there what it was I really wanted to do.

I thought that was it, but then, my mom texted me saying I had gotten a letter from the culinary school I applied to. My immediate reaction was panic. An excited panic. I was in the middle of a library seminar, and on the verge of screaming. I told her not to open it. I asked her if it was a big envelope, ripe with school brochures and congratulations. She said it was letter sized. Gulp.  I told her to open because I couldn't take the waiting. Get the bad news over with. 

Guys, I more or less have a place in culinary school. The letter wasn't an all out acceptance, it said I had a missing math requirement. (I didn't submit my high school transcript, because I somehow figured with a full college transcript and a first year university on my record, it would be proof enough that I was educated. My bad.) All I had to do was submit a high school transcript and boom, instant life transplant. I was scared, excited, emotional and torn. I had enough kaleidoscope reactions that I realized this wasn't something I could shrug off. 
Even though in my head, I had already sealed the sensible choice to finish my degree (the words "just in case" hovering somewhere in the back of my mind), it was clear my heart was split on the entire issue. So I phoned the culinary college the next day to ask if there was any way I could defer my acceptance until next January, figuring I could take a full course load in the summer, smash getting my degree in the fact and sprint right onto the next option without stopping to breath or even think about what might occur.

But just like today's muffins, things don't go according to plan. The nice woman on the phone told me they don't accept deferrals, I would just have to withdraw my application and reapply when I was ready. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that, as a creature of impulse, I don't know when that will be. If I think on something too long, that's a sure way to talk myself out of it. 

It doesn't help that... I know it sounds stupid, but I'm kind of embarrassed that I haven't settled into the idea of at least one job for the near future. I know careers morph and change constantly, but this lack of direction is a slight source of bashfulness at every family event I have to go to that involves small talk. So... all of them.

"What are you doing with your life? Still interested in film? Oh, right you're at university now aren't you? How is that going?.......Dropping out?.....Really?"

What I strongly feel I need from myself is an answer as to which one I should focus on for a career right this moment. For a living. This shouldn't ever be a bad thing, but the fact that I went to film school, and then university seems directionless. Piling on a year of baking education on top of that seems to be just another fumble on my part. My older sister has told me a few times she could see me as a perpetual student, staying on to get a Masters degree, a PhD... and I mean... at least those things would be energy focused in one direction.

I'm so frustrated because I'm in the world of university, looking out the window into the possibilities beyond it. I'm trying to take notes on poetry, something I do love really really, yet somehow I'm thinking about small blueberry pies and thanksgiving desserts. What if I dropped out, go to baking school, hate it, and then move on to something else? Or miss the English program once I leave it? What if I keep doing this dance forever?

I don't know what to make of any of it. Anyway, I'm really sorry for rambling like this. I'm going to have another half-baked muffin and think about life. If anyone has any words of advice, let me have 'em.

I am Jack's aching brain and unsolved decisions. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Gettin' Whiskey

CUPCAKES - imagine I'm yelling that at the very height of my lungs.

CUPCAKES! Or from a rooftop, down onto the ears of the poor, cake-less citizens in the streets below. You suckers, you.

CUPCAKES!!! 

Now guess what I made this weekend. Friends, family, bros, space monkeys, fight clubbers, and everyone else, I am smashing my blogging hiatus with one of my favourite things. Birthday cupcakes.

This month's were for my fellow English Literature bff/writer/baking enthusiast Jocelyn. She's a one woman snark machine, who whips up meals for 4+ people in 45 minutes without breaking a sweat, and spews Shakespearian sonnets like she time traveled from the Elizabethan era, only to crash land in Montreal with a quill in one hand and a full glass in the other. She has her own writing blog, Writing and Whiskey, and recently, encouraged me to start one of my own, to post my scribbles that don't have to do with sugar, flour and pastry cream. I knew I wanted to make her something amazing, for not only being generally awesome, but pushing me to make more art. (You can find me at Coyote Prints, for the literarily inclined.) I also knew that as a kitchen force, she would appreciate something made with a little more panache. You impress a fellow cook, you impress everyone else in the room by default!

And thus: red velvet cupcakes, with airy whiskey Swiss meringue buttercream. These turned out spectacularly if I do say so myself. They exceeded my expectations. They are moist, and the slightly dense subtle chocolate of the sponge paired amazingly with the cloud soft, silky sweet, whiskey laced Swiss buttercream. Definitely a must for any aspiring writer or cake connoisseur in your life. The flavours meld and aren't overpowering in the slightest.

Note: I also had some leftover chocolate buttercream in the freezer from an earlier attempt at macarons, and I used some of that, too. I can say, first hand, that they also are AMAZING with chocolate frosting. So if you have kids, or your alcoholic tastes are not in line with Hemingway's, give chocolate a chance instead.

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Whiskey Swiss Meringue Buttercream

Makes 24 Cupcakes, iced
Adapted from Paula Deen

For the Cupcakes

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup cocoa powder

1/2 cup canola oil
1 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup buttermilk
3 large eggs
Red food colour, to taste
1 tsp cider vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract.

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line two muffin tins with cupcake liners. (Note: you do not need to grease the liners, the cupcakes are plenty moist and will do the job for themselves.)

2. In one bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and cocoa powder.

3. In another bowl, put oil, melted butter, buttermilk, eggs, food colouring, vinegar and vanilla. Mix until well combine.

4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients all in one go, and beat until the batter is thoroughly combined and smooth.

5. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin tins, and bake for 20 minutes, rotating the pans half way through the baking time.

6. Remove from the oven, let cool for 10 minutes in the pans, then remove and cool completely on a wire rack before frosting.

For the whiskey Swiss meringue buttercream
Adapted from Bravetart

2.5 oz sugar
2.5 oz egg whites
Pinch of kosher salt 
Splash vanilla

1/2 lb unsalted butter, very soft
1/4 cup whiskey, any kind (I used Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey), plus more to taste

1. Make a double boiler by filling a saucepan with water, and then setting a glass, ovenproof bowl on top of it. Bring the water to a low simmer, until it's steaming.

2. In the bowl, combine sugar, egg whites, salt and vanilla. Continuously whisk the whites as they heat, so the sugar dissolves and they don't cook. 

3. When the sugar is dissolved and the mixture is adequately hot, (145-150 degrees if you have a kitchen thermometer), transfer the egg whites into the clean bowl of a stand mixer (or regular bowl if you're not blessed by the KitchenAid gods, and break out the electric mixer). Whip them on high until doubled in size and stiff. 

4. While the whites are cooling, put the whiskey in a small saucepan over medium-low heat until simmering. Keep simmering until the mixture is halved, and then set aside to cool. 

5. It is now time to add the butter to the egg whites. Feel the bowl holding the egg whites with your hands to ensure the bowl itself is cool to the touch. I MEAN IT.

6. Mixing on low, add the butter, one spoonful at a time until fully incorporated. Add the whiskey reduction and whip it into the frosting. Then add a splash of raw whiskey if you want more flavour. (But don't add too much or you'll have a liquid mess.)

7. Frost cupcakes. Eat cupcakes.

I Am Jack's Step By Step Photos
Cupcakes

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Prepare two muffin tins with cupcake liners. Don't bother greasing them. These suckers have enough oil and butter to look after themselves.

2. In one bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and cocoa powder. (Gold star if you figured out these were all the dry ingredients!)

3. In another bowl, put oil, melted butter, buttermilk, eggs, food colouring, vinegar and vanilla. Mix until well combined. Say it with me kids, the wet ingredients!

4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients all in one go, and beat until the batter is thoroughly combined and smooth. Smoothish. Smoother than your average bro, but less smooth than a baby's bottom. ....Those were odd comparisons. Moving on.

5. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin tins, and bake for 20 minutes, rotating the pans half way through. Do this as quickly as possible because you don't want all the heat of the oven to escape and mess with your cooking time! I like to make it a game called, "How Fast Can You Go Without Horribly Scorching Yourself?"

6. When an inserted knife, toothpick or other poking object comes out clean, remove from the oven, let cool for 10 minutes in the pans. After that, remove and cool completely on a wire rack before frosting.

Whiskey Swiss Meringue Buttercream

1. Make a double boiler by filling a saucepan with water, and then setting a glass, ovenproof bowl on top of it. Bring the water to a low simmer, so it's steaming. The steam is actually what heats the bowl. 

2. In the bowl, combine sugar, egg whites, salt and vanilla. Continuously whisk the whites as they heat, so the sugar dissolves and they don't cook. They'll get hot and foamy. Kind of the early stages of the meringue.

3. When the sugar is dissolved and the mixture is adequately hot, (145-150 degrees if you have a kitchen thermometer), transfer the egg whites into the clean bowl of a stand mixer (or regular bowl if you're not blessed by the KitchenAid gods, and break out the electric mixer). Whip them on high until doubled in size and stiff. 

4. While the whites are cooling, put the whiskey in a small saucepan over medium-low heat until simmering. Keep simmering until the mixture is half the volume and syrupy. Also, don't breath it. I mean, unless that's what you're into.

5. It is now time to add the butter to the egg whites. Feel the bowl holding the egg whites with your hands to ensure the bowl itself is cool to the touch. I MEAN IT, OR ELSE.

The butter will melt and you will have a sloppy, unsalvageable mess. Seriously. Let everything cool off. Also, there will be a point where it will look like the stuff is NOT going to come together. Just keep whipping it, and eventually it will come together. As long as you let the temperature fall. 

Mixing on low, add the butter, one spoonful at a time until fully incorporated. Add the whiskey reduction and whip it into the frosting. Then add a splash of raw whiskey if you want more flavour. (But don't add too much or you'll have a liquid mess.)

7. Frost cupcakes. Spread with a knife, pipe them, anything. Eat cupcakes. Or if you're me, photograph them like as much as they're your first born child.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Bite Back: Neato Keto

So this post is just going to be me rambling about why I haven't been posting. So if you came here for food cake porn, regular porn (Google: you're doing it wrong), click elsewhere my friends! 

Between starting school and working part time once again, volunteering for CFSW getting busier by the week, and beginning to write for the university newspaper, I haven't had the time to photograph and write about what I'm chewing on.

But, I really want to take a moment here to talk about what is also a large contributing factor to my slacking posting. I've been on the Ketogenic Diet for the past two weeks. Also known as just plain keto, it's basically eating low carb, medium protein, high fat, flipping the traditional food pyramid or dinner plate or what-have-you on its head. The theory is, when your body runs out of carbs to burn, it goes into what is called "ketosis" which means it will begin burning fat for energy.

A couple of friends and I got into a discussion about the chemistry of it all, and made the choice to take on the challenge of eating strictly keto for a month in the name of curiosity and science. Our decision was greatly helped that this is a lifestyle which encourages both bacon and cheese. 

I don't believe in diets, as they're often unrealistic. You can't live on lemon juice and cayenne pepper while sharing a special family meal or a night out with friends. If a diet interferes with your happiness and lifestyle, there is a better road to health for you. Protein bars or shakes for two meals a day is a sneak preview of hell. Weight loss ads pimping portion controlled, pre-packed meals? Cringe. So I've found something that allows me some exploration in the kitchen. However, this has drawbacks too.

One of the big drawbacks of changing how you eat is that you have to teach yourself how to cook in a new style. My kid sister was bemoaning this to me a month ago, about how she automatically wanted all the knowledge of vegan cookery to be in her brain, a big wish for a kid who used to text me begging for the finite details of making rice. Now I'm in the same boat, albeit sailing in a more bacon-y direction, in a boat made of bacon with bacon sails. (Did I mention I'm allowed to eat bacon?) Everything I'm cooking at the moment is more or less an experiment. Every time I reupholster a recipe to fit into this dietary experiment of mine, I have no idea if it's going to turn into something delicious or crash and burn in a mess of melted cheese and disappointment. Thus, I haven't been taking pictures. Thus, no blogs for you.

But, friends, I have been cooking! I've made pulled pork, cauliflower crust pizza, coconut milk chicken curry, taco salads, stuffed bell peppers, hot chocolate, peanut butter cookies, cheese souffles, espresso whipped cream... I just haven't had the time to write about any of it. Believe it or not, I try and keep a standard of decent quality on the blog, and I don't want to serve y'all some sub-par posts just for the sake of putting up content.

I swear there will be posts coming along soon! In the meantime, here's a quick recipe to tide you over:


Bacon

Serves 1



Ingredients

2-3 slices bacon

1. Put a frying pan over medium low heat. Put the slices of bacon in the pan.

2. Cook until crispy and brown, but still a little chewy. Drain the excess fat. Or don't...I won't judge. Put on a plate. Eat. Be happy.